You know that feeling after you finish a hard workout? When your lungs feel like they could breathe in the whole world?
I love that feeling; it reminds me that I’m alive and that I’m thriving.
Did you just see what happened? Do you realize what you just did?
Perhaps I should start from an earlier point. It has come to my attention that, though living with depression is hard, living without depression is just as hard once you’ve become accustomed to it.
I played a good, hard game of football today, and it was fantastic.
Now, laying on my bed, I feel helpless and hurt, broken and battered. I want to sleep but I don’t feel like I deserve it somehow. I remember all I’ve failed to do today, and I think of how it’ll only get worse tomorrow.
If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind,
I’ll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I’m so ready to be found.
It is curious that our reaction to changes in weather seem to imitate the nature of the weather itself.
Snow, for example, provokes a frigid sort of response, a restrained and marveling awe that manifests itself physically in a gasp of icy cold air and a shiver down one’s spine.
Warm weather causes a much more gentle reaction, both mentally and physically. Rather than gasps, sighs escape our lips. Rather than restrained marvel, relaxed contentment fills our hearts.
It’s been exactly a year now.
Did you know that?
Can you remember?
Do you even want to?